Tell me What I Want, What I Really, Really Want
by muffin Lady 0o
Summary: Kit is convinced that Tom and Carl are gay after a slightly horrific experience involving a vacuum cleaner, a sponge, and an outdated Spice Girls song. Nita doesn't want to believe it, so Kit plans a stakeout to prove it. Contest with Polka Dotted Pengiun


**A/N: This is a contest with Polka Dotted Penguins, the writer of the beloved Death by Chocolate story. Please please PLEASE review if you read this, because I'm trying to beat her, here. **

A pair of two young teenagers walked down a cracked sidewalk. Their shoes made a soft _plap plap plap_ sound as they hit the cement, making a sort of rhythm as they plodded along. This wasn't unusual.

Kit Rodriguez and Nita Callahan were enjoying a pleasant walk in the autumn afternoon, to the house of Tom Swale and Carl Romeo, Senior Wizards, and good friends. Kit pulled the scarf around his neck slightly tighter and Nita dug her hands into her pockets a little more, in attempts to make them warm. It wasn't going well, and she was only _slightly_ fed up with Kit parading around and showing off the said scarf around his neck.

"It's so delightfully obnoxious!" he was saying, waving his hands around in the air to attempt to show the world _exactly_ how wonderful this scarf truly was. "My abuela knitted it for me!" He hugged the part of the scarf that wasn't half strangling him to his chest. "She knows me too well."

"Kit," Nita pushed her way into the small opening of space in which Kit was inhaling to speak again. "guys don't go into spazzes about articles of clothing. Especially not bright orange and green ones that dangle around one's neck."

"This guy does." he assured her. "_Especially_ if it's bright orange and green."

"_That's_ not gay." Nita rolled her eyes. Kit lifted up the fringy end of his scarf and brushed her nose with it, a grin plastered across his face. Nita scowled.

"It isn't. Obnoxious things deserve to be spazzed about!"

"Kit, stop it!" she attempted to sound threatening, but failed spectacularly. Kit laughed and had only just begun to prod her in her exact ticklish spot when they heard loud, terribly 90's music blaring three houses down.

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!"

"So tell me what you want, what you really really want!" came the poorly-sung reply. Kit looked at Nita, and Nita looked at Kit. That voice sounded all-too familiar...

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!" a stereo with extremely heavy bass sounded at the same location.

"So tell me what you want, what you really really want!" came the reply, a different voice, yet still the familiar, with a thick Brooklyn accent.

"Powers that Be, please don't tell me..." Nita pinched the bridge of her nose while Kit ran down the remainder of the street and stood in front of the said house, his head tilted to the side. Nita followed, and together, they stood and watched one figure in the living room, one in the upstairs, wearing either a frilly pink apron and pushing a vacuum in time to the music, or sporting obnoxiously yellow rubber gloves and using a soapy sponge as a microphone, consecutively.

"Tom and Carl?" Kit asked, more to himself than anything. "Dude... Tom's in _pink!_" he spat the word out distastefully.

"This is coming from a guy who gushes about orange and green scarves." Nita folded her arms and smiled. Kit stuck out his tongue.

"But pink is so _unmanly!_" he groaned. "Even I know that!"

"I'm sure it's for a good reason..." Nita's voice was strained, and she looked about as unnerved as Kit felt. Despite his rational side, the gears in Kit's brain began whirring.

"I wonder why I've never noticed it before!" Kit's light bulb above his head exploded with brightness. "They're two single men, partners in wizardry-"

"Kit, no."

"They argue and fight like an old married couple-"

"So do Dairine and Roshaun."

"But they're best friends-"

"So are we!"

"And they're cleaning the house _that they share _while dancing _and_ singing along to an outdated song by the Spice Girls!" Kit concluded, just in time for another chorus of 'If you wanna be my lover,' to blare out of the windows.

"Kit, you're not serious..." Nita pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. Kit turned to her seriously.

"Tom and Carl are gay!" he announced to her, though rather quietly, so as no to attract unwanted attention from others witnessing this horrendous sight. Nita rolled her eyes.

"They are not!"

"Your theory is flawed." Kit pointed out in a sophisticated tone, implying that he was speaking to someone of much lesser intelligence. Nita folded her arms.

"Whatever. Let's just go in for what we came for and leave, alright?"

"Sounds perfect to me." Kit answered, shivering slightly, though not from the nippy cold. He and Nita made their way up to the front door, knocked, realized that they would ever be heard over the monstrous noise of the house, and walked in.

To their left was a tall, lean man with dark hair in a pink apron with thick white ruffles around the edges, and was indeed pushing an extremely loud vacuum in halftime tempo with the loud music by the Spice Girls. He was facing away from then and, Nita and Kit soon discovered, to their horror, this grown man was also shaking his rump in time to the heavy bass. Kit had serious thoughts of gouging his eyes out, and Nita was sure her brain was frying in her head.

"Uh...Tom?" Nita managed to voice. Though, as assumed, she wasn't quite loud enough to top the music. Kit gave a small twitch.

"TOM!" he hollered at the top of his voice. It had no effect on the wizard, and he was still facing away from them, vacuuming his heart out. Kit stomped over to the old stereo in the corner and turned the volume knob down quite forcefully, a less-than-pleased expression on his face. Tom froze where he stood and turned slowly, coming to face Nita and Kit, Kit with crossed arms and Nita with a grimace on her face. Tom lightened up instantly.

"Nita! Kit! Wonderful to see you, how is everything?" he asked, untying the apron from around his back and letting it fall to the floor.

"Um, wonderful!" Nita supplied.

'_Until now,'_ Kit thought. Nita mentally elbowed him, but continued to talk with Tom.

"We had a question for you," she started. "See, it's about this problem with the trees in the park-"

"Hey, why'd the music stop?" came a shout from upstairs. The three in the living room all turned their heads and looked up the stairs to the second floor, in time to see Carl, clad in obnoxious and large yellow rubber gloves, lean over the balcony, a wet sponge in hand.

"Oh! Nita, Kit!" he grinned when he saw them. "What brings you two here?"

"We had a question for you two-" Kit sidestepped a series of soapy drips from landing on his head, (he suspected it was toilet water,) and forced a smile. "But we can always come back when you two aren't quite so busy..."

"Would you two?" Tom asked. "We're not usually like this, too busy to help, but it doesn't seem to be an emergency, and we're kind of in the middle of something important."

"No, don't worry. We don't want to impose." Nita said quickly. "We'll just be on our way, right Kit?" she asked. Kit, staring open-mouthed at the feather duster Tom was pulling out of the closet and the image of Tom holding that feather duster in a French maid outfit burning into his brain for all eternity.

"_Right, Kit?_" she asked again. Kit snapped out of his horrific, brain-melting vision.

"Yeah, yeah, right." he said quickly. He and Nita watched Tom and Carl make eye contact, a habit they had when speaking to each other silently in the Speech. Kit found that extremely suspicious.

"Well, give us a call later when we're not as busy!" Tom called after them. Carl waved the soggy sponge in the air as they two kids departed at his goodbye. Only after Nita and Kit were safely around the corner and walking slowly down Rose Street did they speak.

"_Now_ do you believe me?" Kit asked. Nita rubber her temples.

"Kit, that proves nothing!" she tried to reason, pushing any thought that Tom and Carl could be homosexual to the back of her mind.

"Nita, did you see Tom pull out that feather duster?!" he exclaimed. "What grown man does that?" he paused for dramatic effect. "What_straight_ man, for that matter?"

"Kit, they are not gay." Nita said firmly. "It's called house cleaning."

"I say they are, and I can prove it!" Kit retorted, turning away, Nita in tow.

"And just how do you propose to do that?" she asked, an eyebrow raised on her less-than-amused face. Kit planted one fist into the opposite palm.

"A stakeout!" he announced. "Tonight!"

"That could prove nothing." Nita pointed out. "If they are... you know-"

"Gay lovers?" Kit supplied.

"Yes, that." she groaned. "If they are, who's saying that they'll do anything tonight? What if they had a fight or something?"

"I didn't mean a stakeout to _watch_ them!" Kit groaned. "I mean, if they _are_ gay, they'll be watching a show like ice skating, or reading some weird chic book!"

"You're stereotyping."

"If I was stereotyping, I might say that they also wear tight jeans and cut themselves." Kit assured her. Nita didn't feel like prolonging the conversation.

"So maybe Tom or Carl actually _like_ ice skating!" she said. "How are you supposed to know?"

"I have my ways." Kit said mysteriously. "Now, we'll meet at this corner tonight at nine, when it's dark, and I'll prove it to you!" Nita heaved a sigh. A heavy one.

"Kit, I swear I don't know why I hang out with you sometimes."

"I'm a lovable moron?" he ventured.

"That's it."

Xxxx

Kit had constructed a wizardly genius spell. Something so purely dastardly and awesome that it shamed all other spells. The epitome of snazzy.

A spell that would create an invisible cloaking over himself and Nita, making them both soundless to others around them when cloaked. The best part was, he and Nita could see and hear each other, but nobody else would be able to!

Kit could have laughed maniacally, were it not for the fact that little children looking at him out their bedroom windows would be frightened at the sight of a teenage boy, standing alone, under the yellowish-orange glow of a streetlight and cackling. He didn't need to be sent to the Funny Farm now, especially in this very crucial time.

Nita quietly displaced the air around her with a _snap_. Her expression was tired, yet amused as she eyed Kit up and down.

"You look exactly the same as you did before." she pointed out. Kit winked and pulled something out of the bottom of his jacket.

It had pictures of naked men in compromising positions with each other.

Nita's eyes tripled in size.

Kit seemed proud of himself.

"Kit!" she gasped. "Don't tell me!"

"Bought it from a gas station after we left." he said slyly. "Guy behind the counter didn't even look at me twice! Pretty easy to get yourself a gay porno around a gas station in the middle of nowhere."

"I don't get how you, a straight boy-"

"Man." he corrected.

"-man, has the confidence to walk into a gas station and buy yourself some porn." Nita finished.

"I didn't buy it for myself, I bought it for Tom and Carl! Look, it's even still in its little plastic wrapping! I never opened it!" He motioned to wave the plastic-wrapped magazine under her nose, but she swatted it away before he got the chance.

"Kit, I'm ashamed to know you." she shook her head. "Are you planning on planting that in their house?"

"Among numerous other things, yes." he agreed. "Now, come on!" he said the last few words of his spell, shrouded them in camouflage a chameleon would be jealous of, and pulled her down the street to their house. Nita had a feeling she didn't want to know what those numerous other things even were.

"Step one, infiltrate the base." Kit said, peering over the windowsill into their living room. Tom and Carl were placed a opposite ends of their couch, Tom reading a book and Carl switching back and forth from fixing something in his hands to watching a cheesy sitcom on the tube.

"Carl," said Tom, his eyes never leaving his book. "do you know that Nita and Kit are right outside our sitting room window?"

"Yup." he answered, turning the wrench away from him, making a rapid_clacking_ sound.

"Should we acknowledge their presence or see what they're up to?" he asked. Carl grinned.

"Let 'em be. Could get interesting." he chuckled.

"I bet it's a _gay_ sitcom." Kit accused under his breath. Nita gave him a funny look.

"Kit, television doesn't do that." she pointed out. "Stop being so accusatory." But Kit wasn't paying attention.

"Look at them. All filled with sexual tension, just waiting to be released." he muttered.

"Oh, what are they going to say?" Nita asked. "'Oh Carl, I adore your flat chest of manliness. Make out with me!'?"

"No," he corrected. "more like 'Your horrendously flat chest gives me a certain tension in my pants.' would be it."

"Kit, you have too much time on your hands." Nita informed, taking the liberty of getting away from the window and unlocking the door silently, and persuading the hinges into staying silent. Kit followed.

"I only speak the truth." he said as they crept into the house.

"Poor guys. So blind to us." Kit shook his head sadly. "Creeping around their house as if we're criminals."

"Which is why we should stop and leave and drop the whole thing." Nita said. Kit patted her head and gave her a look one would give an inferior child.

"My dear Nita, you know that isn't going to happen." Kit told her. "But it was a nice try."

"Kit, what do you plan on doing?"

"A number of things." Kit said. "To gather evidence."

"Kit is insane..." sang Nita under her breath, trudging after him as he stood behind the couch that sat Tom and Carl.

"Poor guys. Their secret being kept, all bottled up." Kit shook his head dramatically.

_'Secret?'_Carl mused. Tom smiled to himself, and it appeared that he was at an amusing part in his book.

_'I think I know what Kit's on about.'_ he told Carl. _'Just wait a minute.'_

"Kit, if they really were gay, I think it would have been more apparent before this afternoon." Nita tried to answer sensibly.

"It_was_," Kit said. "just not apparently."

_'I'm offended.'_ Carl said in mock tone.

"Well, I have something I want to check out before we start." Kit told her, starting for the stairs. Nita followed dutifully.

"And what would that be?" she asked

"You'll see!" Kit winked, but flinched when the third step from the top creaked under his foot. The pair froze and listened to the shuffling of people on the couch.

"Did you hear that?" they heard Tom say. Carl snorted impatiently.

"Probably one of those damn dogs." he said gruffly. "Leave it be."

"That was close." Nita whispered, despite the cover of their spell. Kit made his way to the top and pulled Nita up the rest of the way.

"So tell me what you want with up here." she prodded. Kit didn't answer, only went around, opening every door on the second floor, only to close it again quietly if it wasn't already open.

Tom turned to face him, a bemused grin playing across his face.

_'I wonder what they want with upstairs.'_ he told Carl. Carl, without looking at Tom, nodded.

_'I know. You'd think they would have enough sense to at least cover their magic trail before they came this close.'_ he answered.

"Ha! See? See?!" Kit pointed triumphantly at a pair of beds, one neatly folded and one with the bedsheets askew and mussed. Kit's face was beaming with arrogant pride. "I _told_ you!"

"Told me what?" Nita snapped.

"They share a bed!"

"They don't share a bed." she pointed out pointed out. "Those are two beds, for those of us- you -who can't count."

"You_do_ realize that only _one_ of the beds has been used?" Kit raised his eyebrows provocatively and did an excellent impression of Vana White at the said bed.

"You_know_ Carl's less tidy than Tom." she pointed out.

"Well, they're still in the same room, then!" Kit whined. Nita rolled her eyes.

"Kit, this house is small. Two bedrooms, and you know they use the second as an office."

"...That proves nothing." he mumbled, and quickly made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Here, we'll plant the magazine here." Kit said, placing the magazine in front of the microwave. "One of them will obviously have to pass by here later tonight. And when they do, they'll be powerless!"

"Powerless to about sixty pages of pornographic paper? What are you expecting them to do, Kit?"

"Get happy in the pants?" he suggested. Nita suddenly felt an intense need to use mouthwash.

"Kit, that's disgusting!" she grimaced. "Stop being so blunt!"

"Okay. I expect him to get happy in his nether regions."

"Same thing!"

"Why don't you tell me how to say it in code so you won't be repulsed at the normal function of a guy when he sees something hot!"

"Kit, what are you implying?"

Kit was silent.

Then Kit understood.

"Sick! Not that!" he finally exclaimed.

"You're the one who wants to have a stakeout a the house of two of our best friends, to find out if they're gay!"

"Don't you mean homosexual persuasion? It's less blunt."

"Only if you would prefer that." Nita teased.

"You started it!" Kit pointed dramatically at Nita, who folded her arms.

"I'm pretty sure I didn't."

"I beg to differ. I don't start fights."

"Of course, how could I forget that you're perfect?" Nita mocked. Kit pretended not to hear.

"Of course I am! I am the vision of perfection! You go look up perfection, and you see my name, accompanied by a picture of me in the dictionary."

"Nita, Kit, what are you doing in our house?" a voice asked. A familiar one. One that was singing a Spice Girl's song in a pink apron that very afternoon.

"Kit," whispered Nita, leaning to her right slightly to speak in Kit's ear. "I don't think your spell is working."

"Um, Tom! What are you doing here?" Kit asked quickly. Tom raised and eyebrow and leaned in the doorway.

"In my own kitchen?" he asked.

"Um, yes. In your own kitchen." Kit answered. Nita elbowed him. Hard.

"We weren't doing anything!" she answered quickly. "Just dropping by to say hello!"

"At nine-thirty?" Carl asked, appearing in the doorway beside Tom. Kit and Nita gulped.

"Um-"

"Yes." Kit said boldly. Tom raised an eyebrow.

"And why, may we ask?" he questioned. Nita grinned sheepishly.

"Because we're a couple of disrespectful teenagers who blatantly lied to your face?" she provided. Tom drummed his fingers on the door frame and Carl switched which eyebrow he raised.

"Tom, Carl," Kit stepped forward boldly. Nita put a hand on his shoulder, but Kit shrugged it off.

"No, Kit, stop-"

"Nita, I have to do this." he said solemnly. "It's the only way."

"But Kit, can't you just-"

"No." he took a deep breath. "Don't try and stop me." Nita pulled her outstretched hand away slowly and nodded.

"Okay."

Tom and Carl were giving each other weird looks a their conversation when Kit stepped in front of them, a good three inches shorter than them both.

"Kit?" Carl asked, apparently only slightly disturbed.

"Carlos Romeo, Thomas Swade, I have a question for you both." Kit narrowed his eyes at them. They looked at each other and shrugged.

"Shoot."

Kit paused.

"Will you tell me what I want?" he asked them.

"Yes." Carl answered.

"What I really, _really_ want?" Kit asked.

"Yes..." Tom ventured. Kit looked back and forth from one to the other, his fists on his hips.

"Are you two gay lovers?" he asked them.

Tom and Carl froze. Kit waited patiently.

"No." Tom answered.

"Aw, really?" Kit asked. He appeared slightly put-out. Though, that may have been because Nita was behind him, waiting to sing ' I told you so I told you so!' at him.

"Yes, really. What gave you that idea?" Carl asked. Kit scuffed his toe on the linoleum, his face aglow.

"We were coming over earlier in the afternoon and saw you guys dancing and cleaning the house in a pink apron and rubber gloves, and-"

"Lost a bet." Tom said simply. "You can't honestly think we _like_ that kind of stuff."

"I'm sorry he's such a snoop!" Nita apologized hurriedly. "Won't happen again! We should be getting home it's kind of dark we'll see you tomorrow bye!" she dragged Kit out the front door and slammed it shut behind them. Kit wrenched himself out of her grip.

"Don't. Say. Anything." he said through clenched teeth.

"I told you so." she said once. Simple, yet effective. Kit was just about to pounce when the front door opened and the light from inside the house of Tom and Carl fell upon them.

"Hey, Kit!" Tom shouted.

"You left something of yours!" Carl said. Kit turned to face them.

"Really? I don't remember-"

Kit was cut off by about sixty pages of pornographic males in compromising positions landing, open, on his face. Where the plastic wrap went, Neither Kit nor Nita had a clue. Yet, that wasn't the first thought that came to their minds.

A pair of two young teenagers made their way down the cracked sidewalk, each in his or her own way. One of their shoes made a soft _plap plap plap_ sound as they hit the cement, making a sort of rhythm as they plodded along. The other's slapped the ground with a fierce smack, which perfectly accompanied his over-dramatic, extremely girly screaming about how he was _NOT_ that way, how his eyes burned, and how he was going to claw them out when he got home. The girl smiled a knowing smile.

A pair of young adults stood in the doorway of their home, each grinning a good-natured grin at the two receding teens.

"It's pretty lucky they didn't ask us to say it in the speech." Carl mused.

"So shall we go to bed then?" Tom asked.

"My bed or yours?"

**A/N: Punny punshot. I kind of like Tom/Carl after this... Brianne was right. Better ending.  
This was fun. Hope you like it.  
Also, I'm sorry about Kit. I think I turned him kind of maybe sort of flamingly homosexual in here. I didn't intend to, but this just brings to light the evidence behind my excuse of how I can't write Kit. Sorry if it bothers any of you that much. **


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